Thursday, October 16, 2008

Me and My Hair

My son, Mark said something to the effect that he couldn't understand how it was possible for gum to get stuck in your hair when you were sleeping. "Wouldn't it just fall down to your belly?" he asked. I think he must have been thinking of how gravity works when you are standing up. I assured him that I had plenty of experience with gum stuck in my hair. Here's my best gum in my hair story:

I was about Jr. High age at the time. I fell asleep with the world's largest wad of Hubba-Bubba bubble gum in my mouth. For some reason, there were either no sheets on my bed that night, or they had just come undone at the top of my bed. I must have rolled around and got the stuff glued to every single follicle of hair or something, because when I woke up, my head was absolutely stuck tight to my mattress. I could not get out of bed, no matter how hard I tried. I remember laying there in bed for literally about a half an hour hollering for my mom, whose bedroom was a floor down from mine, and who was evidently still asleep. I don't remember precisely how long it took her to get me unstuck. Then we had to get that huge mess out of my hair. I was having nothing to do with scissors. We must have used a whole tub of shortening on my head. I was very late to school that day. I wonder what I told the secretary when I went in for a late pass. Did I tell her the truth? I don't remember, but I bet I made up a dumb lie. I was probably too embarrassed, plus she might not have believed the truth.

Now fast-forward about five or six years. I had just finished my first year of college, and was working in an office. I had hair halfway down my back. My parents had left for a couple of weeks to visit family in Utah. I was the only person left at home, and relishing my independence. Unfortunately, that would be just the time I chose to accidentally lock my keys in my car. No one was home to bail me out, and my house was also locked. I eventually got that sorted out and headed off for work an hour late. After I'd been there for an hour or two, I was getting ready to send a fax somewhere. I was bending over the table next to the fax machine, writing out a cover letter. Unbeknownst to me, my hair had fallen into the fax's tray. Thinking my hair was a piece of paper, the machine self activated and started rolling my hair up inside it. It was like in the movies where the guy gets his tie stuck in something, only it was my hair. Down I went, as the machine kept on rolling my hair up. I couldn't get it to stop; I got sucked in to my ear. My co-workers thought I was just joking around at first, and laughed. They ended up having to unplug the machine and open it up to get my hair out. At the height of all the excitement, our boss came in the room. He nearly had kittens! I don't think I was his favorite employee that day.

Tuesday, October 07, 2008

Teasing a Little Girl

Back when we were 20 somethings, before we had so many children that we out grew it, Bruce and I lived in a cute, little, blue, 2 bedroom house. Those were good days! Ah, memories of my early motherhood. Dang I'm going to be such a mess when my children really do grow up and move away. They're only 10, 8, 6, 2 and 3 months, but I just can't seem to get enough of my older kids these days. It's hurry up, go to school, hurry up get your homework done, hurry up to this and that. I'm missing them like crazy. Makes me want to home school, just so I could hang out with them more. I just don't know if I'd be any good at that. Okay, now I'm a big bawlly mess. This is NOT where I was going with this post!

ANYWAY! There was a girl named Chelsea who lived next door to us, in our little blue house. She was a sweet little girl, but she always seemed to be in our front yard. You peep your nose out the front door, and there was Chelsea, "Hey! How are you? Whacha doin?...Guess what I did today? Did you just flush the toilet?" etc.

You go somewhere, and you practically kick her out of your car, just so you can get down the road. You roll the car window up on her nose. She chases you down the street. "Where are you going? When are you going to be back? My mom shaves her back." (No, she never said that, and I'm sure her mother doesn't need to shave her back. It's just the type of thing she would say.)

You come home, and there's Chelsea sitting on your porch. "Where did you go? Did you go to the grocery store? Are you going inside?" She really was a nice little girl, just always there.

Anyway, one day we went to Six Flags, and John came with us. (Chelsea loved John. She would ask me about my "crazy brother" from time to time. She thought he was hilarious!) I'm going to guess that Chelsea would have been about 7ish, at the time. As we were loading up the car, there was Chelsea bouncing around with her usual questions, trying to help put the cooler in the trunk, etc. When we were getting ready to drive away, she came up to John's door and was in the act of shutting it for him, when John said "Don't do that. We always drive with the door open!"

"You do not!" said Chelsea

"Yes we do! That way we can jump out quickly if we get into a wreck." replied John.

"Nu-uh!"

"Yes, it's true."

"No it isn't!"

So it went. We drove away with the door wide open until we were out of sight. Chelsea was laughing and screaming after us. It was funny.

Another time, when Chelsea was probably 10ish, she came over and had me buy something for a school fundraiser or something. She asked me how I spelled my name, so that she could write it down on the form. I spelled it something like this (as she was writing it down):

"Remorqnzlobjhmprenl...." Until she caught on and said "No it isn't!"

So I started again: "Renlreqzj..."

We carried on like that with her writing and erasing over and over again for several minutes. (She thought it was funny too, so I wasn't just being mean.)