Thursday, December 15, 2011

Christmas Pranks & Funnies

Christmas time is great. With all those relatives around, it's not only warm and fuzzy, but it's also a great time to do a little joking around. Here are a few of my favorite Christmas pranks:

As kids we used to gather at Grandma & Grandpa Sever's house with all the aunts, uncles and cousins on Christmas afternoon to celebrate with a big dinner and a gift exchange. There were so many of us that we cousins drew names to see who we'd get a gift for. The year I was 18, I drew my cousin Mikey's name. At the time Mikey was about 10 or 11 years old. He found out that I had drawn his name, and for weeks beforehand, every time we saw each other he pestered me with "What are you getting me for Christmas." My standard response was "a Barney coloring book." which, of course he didn't believe.

I decided to have a little fun with Mikey. I went out and bought every gag that I could find. I searched for weeks in a bunch of different stores. It was the kind of thing I would have wanted at his age. I bought a fake arm that you can shut in a door, a bug in the ice cube, fake gum, etc. I don't remember what all I found, but I did my best to get every possible joke out there. Then I stuck them in a big box, wrapped it and hid it in Grandma's basement. Under the tree was a fake gift. I'll never forget the disgust and utter revoltion in his voice as he shouted "You really DID get me a Barney coloring book!!!!" and threw it on the floor. Oh it was hilarious!!! Then I had to prod him to find the first of many clues hidden just inside the front cover. This led Mikey all over Grandma's house from clue to clue until he finally found his real gift, which he seemed to really like.

That was so much fun that I decided to pull another one on Mikey a few years later. Now, it was a long standing tradition that you got two presents at Grandma's house: one from our grandparents, and one from the cousin gift exchange. That was it. All your other Christmas presents were given at your own house. This particular year I did not happen to draw Mikey's name. However, I decided to get Mikey a little gift anyway. When I brought my gifts in, I made sure that the small package was almost hidden at the back of the pile. It worked perfectly. My then 14 year old cousin had already opened his expected two gifts when he was handed a small third package with his name on it, from an anonymous giver. "Look! I got an extra present!" he shouted, drawing everyone's attention to him. Then he opened up a package containing a small, red, lacy pair of thong panties. Yeah, it might not have been in the best taste, but it was darn funny.

Then there was the year that John and Bruce stayed up late putting Carl Sagan EVERYWHERE for Trent (who HATES Carl Sagan.) There was a large Carl Sagan replacing Trent's picture on the wall, a little Carl Sagan on every single one of Trent's presents with things like "Come live on Mars with me, Trent." written on them. That was pretty hysterical.

What else, the year that I bought John the fake arm (they were big with me for a bit then). It somehow ended up being stuck in the front door and ignored until Ashley (who was probably about 4 years old at the time) spied it. Then she flipped out!!! We told her that Santa Claus must have gotten stuck. She was terrified of that thing for years to come. If you wanted to get rid of Ashley, all you had to do was to mention "the arm" and she would run away screaming. I was a meanie. John found another one and put it under her pillow a few years ago. She just laughed this time.

One year Mom laid down on the floor next to the Christmas tree. Aside, Mom loves Christmas trees. I went over there yesterday morning and found a sleeping bag and pillow on the living room floor in front of the tree. When I asked Mom about it, she said "I just love sleeping in the room with the Christmas lights!"

"So you slept on the floor?!" I asked.

"No, that was Ashley. I slept on the couch."

ANYWAY, one year Mom laid down on the floor to admire the Christmas tree, and feel all Christmasy, only to get up and find cat poop stuck to her shoulder.

Alright, I've got things to accomplish. I've got to get off of this computer. See yas later!